


These Hands Could Hold The World But It'll Never Be Enough

by Sage_Stories



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Barisi - Freeform, F/F, Love, M/M, Pining, Romance, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sage_Stories/pseuds/Sage_Stories
Summary: Sonny loves Rafael Barba, but he left, so Sonny ends up in the loving arms of Isaiah Holmes.What does Isaiah do when he realizes that the man of his dreams is still in love with Rafael Barba after all this time?
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Isaiah Holmes, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27





	These Hands Could Hold The World But It'll Never Be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, 
> 
> I am a Barisi shipper through and through. There will definitely be a part a chapter 2.
> 
> After watching "Murdered at a Bad Address" I started writing this and then neglected it and I finally got back to it.
> 
> I really love Barisi.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Friday Night**

Isaiah's POV

Isaiah was enjoying the way Sonny’s hand was inching up on his leg. He was desperately trying to understand what Stone was saying across from him though and it was getting a bit distracting. Rollins, Amaro, Alex, and Fin had gotten Sonny incredibly tipsy and Olivia, Stone, and Isaiah were the only ones who weren’t falling over themselves at the moment. Now Olivia and Stone were chatting with Isaiah and Sonny. Alex was laughing with Fin by the pool table while playing against Rollins and Amaro who were being quite handsy tonight. 

“I can’t wait to get you home.” Sonny's voice was low and husky in Isaiah’s ear. He smirked, turning just enough to meet the younger man’s lips. “Can I take you home yet?” Sonny’s hand was almost at an indecent place, so Isaiah grabbed it and squeezed it under the table. Isaiah chuckled at his persistent boyfriend, almost fiance he noted if the velvet box he accidentally found was any indication. Sonny was fake pouting, jutting out his bottom lip.

Olivia suddenly stood up going to greet her girlfriend who was walking her direction, but she had to get Peter out of the way because they were in a booth. The awkward shuffling gave Sonny the ability to pull Isaiah closer to him while the three people were distracted and landed a messy smooch on his lips. The taste of beer and vodka was ever present on his tongue while Sonny was taking full advantage of their moment alone. It took all of Isaiah’s might to pull away.

“Petie, how was your meeting with Barba by the way?” Alex was being very loud and Olivia seemed to be shushing her by giving her a glass of water. Isaiah’s eyes met Olivia’s as she turned her girlfriend around. “What? You love Barba, he’s your best friend!” Alex giggled. 

“Barba’s fine, he’s getting settled in his new office in campaign work.” Peter smiled helping Olivia lead Alex the other direction. Isaiah felt Sonny pull away.

Peter sat back down at the booth waving at Olivia and Alex who made their way out of the bar. 

“Barba’s back?” Sonny blurted out.

“Uh, yeah.” Peter’s eyes flicked to Isaiah’s. 

“Cool,” Isaiah noted the slight change in Sonny’s tone and his hand pulled away from his. “Babe, I’m feeling a bit queasy, can we go home?”

“Of course, baby.” Isaiah smiled. “Do you want some water.” 

“No thanks. We have plenty at home.” 

Isaiah could feel the tension oozing off of Sonny and all he wanted to do was comfort him.

* * *

**Saturday**

Sonny POV

Sonny couldn’t believe it. Rafael was back. He couldn’t stop thinking of all the things he wanted to tell him or all the things he wanted to do to him. But mostly he wanted to give him a piece of his mind. Then kiss him senseless. Then catch him up on all the things he was missing. 

Two years was a long time. And he couldn’t stop thinking about Rafael. They could be together now. They could be together without signing a disclosure agreement or being worried about the state being all up in their business. But at the same time he felt awful for feeling these things since he was with Isaiah. 

Isaiah was great. He really was. But he wasn’t Rafael Barba. And with Rafael back his mind and heart were all about him. Isaiah was a good man and kind and attentive. But Sonny knew he wasn’t being fair to him since he was in love with someone else. And it wouldn't be fair to propose to a man when he was in love with a completely different person.

“Dominick, are you even listening to me?” 

“Huh?” 

Isaiah was standing on the other side of the bed in pajamas. He crawled over their soft bed rumpling the comforter on the way. Sonny felt Isaiah envelope him from behind sneaking a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“Hey,” Isaiah squeezed his thigh as he came to sit next to Sonny. 

“Hi.” 

“Your mind seems to be somewhere else.” He muttered, taking his hand.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Sonny looked down at his boyfriend’s hand. He took it and squeezed it. He peered at him through his eyelashes before kissing his hand. 

“It’s okay, what’s on your mind.” He asked sweetly.

“Just thinking about my caseload.”

Sonny shook his head as if that would clear his mind of Rafael.

His eyes met Isaiah’s, but they flashed down to his lips. Sonny swung his right leg over and straddled Isaiah’s lap. He kissed him gently at first then pulled away just examining the lines on his face and his pretty eyes. He took both hands and framed his boyfriend’s face as Isaiah wrapped his arms behind his back to steady him. It felt nice to be held and when he went back in for a kiss, Isaiah’s soft lips felt incredible. He deepened the kiss eliciting a soft moan from the older man and felt him tug at the tuft of hair on the back of his neck. 

They separated but their noses were still almost touching, Sonny’s breath hot on Isaiah’s smiling lips. 

Sonny lightly pushed him back onto the bed and placed his hands on his strong chest. Isaiah had a content smile playing on his lips as he waited for Sonny to take the lead. His eyes looked up at him and Sonny went in for another kiss as his boyfriend stirred underneath him. 

Rafael’s face flashed before his mind once he closed them.

This was wrong. 

“Stop.” Isaiah’s voice tore Sonny away from his thoughts. “Baby, you’re mind is elsewhere,” he tried to sit up and he gently pushed Sonny off him. Sonny was laying on his back. “We really don’t have to do this right now.” Isaiah spoke softly, turning over on his stomach, his hand coming to rest on Sonny’s cheek. “It’s really fine.” Sonny just covered his face with his hands. 

“I’m sorry.” Sonny groaned. “I’m gonna go take a shower.” He mumbled heading to the bathroom.

* * *

**Sunday**

Isaiah's POV

“Are you going to talk to him?” Isaiah finally broke the silence that had fallen between the two of them at the dinner table. It’d been quite quiet between the two of them for the last two days. 

“What?” Sonny furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Barba.” Sonny and his boyfriend locked eyes. Isaiah could see hurt flash across his face. “I know that’s what’s got you so distracted this weekend.” 

“I don’t know.” Sonny muttered. 

“Are you mad at him?” Isaiah knew he must be. 

“No.” Sonny shook his head, his eyes were welling up with tears. 

Isaiah couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe how he couldn’t see it before. Sonny wasn’t angry, well maybe a little frustrated, but he was hurt and upset more than anything. Sonny missed Barba and he was still in love with him. After all this time. There love truly knew no bounds. 

“Well.” Isaiah stood up. “Let me know when you decide. I’d just like a heads up.” The chair scraped against the floor as his boyfriend stood up. “It was a great dinner.” He grumbled. “Thanks.” He got up and walked to Sonny’s bedroom. 

He returned later with his bag and briefcase. 

“I’m going to go home.” Isaiah felt the burning in his chest. He loved the tall, lanky blonde who was sitting next to him so much. “Baby, I don’t want to see you get hurt and call me when you make the decision. I just want to support you.”

He stopped in front of Sonny. 

“Also, I love you.” He spoke softly cradling Sonny’s face in his hands. His eyes were pleading as he gave him a kiss on the forehead before leaving through the front door. Sonny didn't say it back.

Isaiah loved Sonny so much. 

And he was going to lose him. 

* * *

**Monday Evening**

Isaiah's POV

Isaiah made his way up to Rafael’s apartment building. It was a nice place. He’d been living there for a few years now and he sincerely hoped he was still at the same address or this trip would be even more embarrassing than it already was. 

Isaiah knocked on his door and it opened revealing a bearded Rafael. He looked good, really good. He wished he didn’t. Sonny would swoon as soon as he saw him. Well, any man would.

“This is a surprise.” Rafael crossed his arms. 

“I need to talk to you. And I need you to give my boyfriend some time.” 

“Excuse me?”

“Dominick.” 

“Sonny,” Rafael swallowed. “You two are together?”

“Yes.” He glared. 

“Please, sit.” Rafael shut his door and sat at his dining table. Isaiah reluctantly took a seat across from him. He examined the man in front of him as he crossed his arms looking at him expectantly. “So what? Are you going to tell me that Sonny is yours and I can’t have him because that’s--”

“I just came over to let you know that I’d appreciate it if you kept your feelings to yourself, but on the way over ultimately I came to the realization that that’s not going to happen.” Rafael nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Alex let it slip that you were in town. Olivia and Peter hadn’t let us know yet. And Sonny was visibly uncomfortable. For the last couple of days he’s been distant and he’s clearly upset.” 

“Okay,” Rafael replied simply.

“Okay.” Isaiah echoed. “Did you think you could call him up after two years and he’s just come falling back into your arms? You left him without so much as a goodbye text. You really hurt him.”

“You think I don’t know that!” Rafael shot back. 

“He was devastated. He was hurt from so much trauma from the force.” Isaiah looked at the floor. “But I picked up the pieces, I made him whole again.” He stated. “I held him and took care of him during night terrors and panic attacks, made him feel loved and worthy. And confident for his first trial.” 

“I’m glad he had someone in his corner.” Rafael’s eyes were glossy. “I’m glad he has someone who loves him. You do love him, right?” Rafael looked so sad in that moment, but all Isaiah felt was loss.

“I do.” Rafael’s eyes fell at Isaiah's response. 

Isaiah thought back to the velvet black box that’s sitting in a tux in Sonny’s closet. He didn’t mean to find it, but he felt so loved when he did. He figured Sonny would have proposed soon. Now the knowledge of the ring was heavy on his heart as he stared at the handsome Cuban across from him. That man was going to end this fairy tale.

“And he is planning to propose. He doesn’t know I know, but I accidentally found the ring.” 

“Why are you telling me this? To make this hurt more?” Rafael was practically growling.

“I'm telling you this because I’m breaking up with Sonny.” Isaiah finally let a tear fall.

Rafael just stared. 

“Why?”

“Because he loves you. He started dating me to get over you and it was working, clearly because he bought me a ring,” Rafael’s eyes were dark and his jaw stiffened. “But now you’re back in town, oh the incredible Rafael Barba, the love of Sonny’s life is back in New York City.” He sounded so bitter.

“You don’t know that he’s going to leave you.” 

“He is.” Isaiah looked at the floor. “You haven’t seen him these last two days. He’s rethinking everything about our relationship.”

"He's angry with me."

"No, he flat out told me he wasn't angry with you. He loves you."

“You put him together again and you helped him, you said so yourself.” Barba challenged.

“I was only as a placeholder for you.” Isaiah’s voice was deeper. “You didn’t see him when he heard your name. You weren’t the one he was pulling away from when he heard someone utter Barba. You weren’t sitting with him Saturday morning kissing him only to know he was thinking about a different man.” He looked so hurt. “And last night when he said he wasn’t angry with his previous love after he left leaving without a trace and he didn’t say I love you back.” Isaiah let the tears fall. "He is so in love with you, it hurts."

“I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry.” Rafael raised his chin. “But I’m not.”

“He loves you. I don’t expect you to be sorry. And I could never stand in the way of his happiness with the man he truly loves.” Isaiah cleared his throat and stood up. “But please. Just wait to tell him how you feel until tomorrow. I want to talk to him before you do. I need him to know, I’m not angry with him and that he deserves to be with the man he cares so much about.” 

“Of course.” Rafael walked him towards the door. Isaiah didn’t say anything as he turned away. "Isaiah," he turned back to face him, his eyes were red. "Thank you."

"I'm not doing this for you." Isaiah shot back. His face softened. "It's for Sonny." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3 
> 
> Be well.


End file.
